Coming Out of the Religious Closet

It was important to me early on to be clear and open about the fact that I had lost faith. This started with telling my parents. I was incredibly nervous about this and put it off for several days. I feared that the reaction would be incredibly negative. Even though I had prided myself on not giving a fuck what anyone thought about anything, this still weighed heavily on me. I expected tears and bargaining and maybe a little shaming.

The day came though where I had to say something. It was looming over me and I needed to get it off my chest. I’ll never forget it. I called my dad and just came out with it. “I don’t believe in god anymore.”

There was silence as he absorbed the information. He asked me why. I gave him a very brief overview. To his immense credit, he didn’t shame me, he didn’t yell. He told me he loved me no matter what. When my mom found out she said much the same. It was a huge weight off of me. They tried to reason with me some on my next visit back to Mississippi. It went as well as it could have gone. We eventually agreed to disagree and that’s where we stand.

Moving Forward

Now we live in this sometimes odd stalemate. They know that I don’t raise my kids religiously. They know I still don’t believe. If they were curious I’m sure these blog posts have solidified their understanding of it. Still, we don’t talk about it. That’s probably for the best. They still strongly believe. I strongly don’t. They still pray at their house when we visit. We don’t when they visit us, and that’s ok.

Despite my anger and resentment towards religion, I believe that people of different faiths, political opinions, and walks of life should be able to coexist. Echo chambers do nothing but divide. I don’t feel the need to compel my parents to cast off their faith, and they’ve taken a similar approach to me. In this we have found a relationship.

So What Do I Believe Now?

This has come up several times from religious friends. The evidence suggests that no religion has it figured out. To think that we know the nature of our existence is pure ignorance. I think that religion serves a function for most people. That function is to try and contextualize the world around them. It makes them feel as if their life has meaning and purpose. No one wants to believe that we merely exist and then don’t exist. That notion can be horrifying. So I understand that people find a belief in a higher power comforting.

That all being said, I still don’t believe. I refuse to blindly accept something as fact just because it would make me feel better. Do I fear death? Yes. Do I still wonder what the meaning of life is? Of Course. Do I let that fear cripple me? Fuck no. I believe happiness and joy comes from within. It is not bestowed by a higher power or others.

My One Takeaway

Do not be crippled by fear. Fear can drive us to great heights but it can also destroy us. It drives people to believe things that simply aren’t true, and it divides us. There is hope and life and joy to be found in this world. None of us need a higher power to show us that. It’s all around us.

For those living in their own religious closet, be strong and bold. You are not alone. We are surrounded by religion, this is true, but you are not alone. Be your authentic self and don’t be silenced by loud voices that seek to marginalize you. You are strong.